I’m not extremely consistent when it comes to many things (partially due to personality but mostly due to being a human being). I think that’s clear in this space, as it’s my SECOND blog post of the whole year. Woops. But, on the upside, that does make it easier for you to track down my “things” post from last year on my birthday. This is the third year in a row that I’m doing a post like this, so I’d say that’s some sort of win for consistency!
I’ve gotten a little wordy this year, so for your sake, I’ll jump right in. Hopefully they won’t get longer as the years progress, because then we might be in trouble. Though this one is longer than in year’s past, know that I could never be completely exhaustive with these. But I think that goes without saying. I’ve also sprinkled in a good bit of my favorite resources from this year (potentially more than ever before), so I hope those will serve you well, too!
27 Things in 27 Years
1. I’ve learned to continue to ask the Lord for wisdom. This year has really been marked by that in a lot of ways. I stepped into learning more about how that truly does come from fear of Him (Prov. 1:7), and I’ve been more convicted that gaining that sort of wisdom is only going to come from spending time with Him and in His Word. A way I’d personally sum up “fear of the Lord” is simply a correct view of the truth that He is God and I am not. I had written down a prayer that God would teach me more of what it means to fear Him rightly, and I do believe He’s done that in new ways.
2. I’ve learned more about being faithful to simply keep in step with the Spirit (Gal. 5:25) and wait on Him. That came up early in the year and has come up more recently as I’ve been convicted that I’ve really lacked in my dependence on the Holy Spirit. A short book called “Three Fold Secret of the Holy Spirit” has been both comforting and convicting in this area. It’s a short read, but can also take some time to process & digest, but I highly recommend it! It’s made me realize that certain things in my life cannot go on as they are. In so many ways, I haven’t been plugged into the Vine that I’m always talking about, and I want to grow in doing that more.
3. The theme of God’s providence came up regularly, and I’ve learned to be more aware of how He is (and always has been) orchestrating the bigger picture. The story of Esther popped up in my life a handful of times during the span of this year, and I don’t see that as coincidence. The book of Esther is a great example of God’s providence because there is no mention of God in the book, and yet His orchestrating is so blatantly clear. (Well-Watered Women has a great study on it!)
4. I’ve learned more about my personal role as a woman in the local church. I’ve explored how the Lord wants me, as a member of the Body, to use her spiritual gifts & play her part. It’s been sweet to see the very beginnings of the fruit from that! Last year was the first year I used Jennie Allen’s Dream Guide to shape dreams & goals for 2019 (& planning to use it again for 2020). One of the specific things I wrote in it last year related to church involvement was specifically related to seeing something happen in the realm of women’s ministry. God has faithfully answered and I look forward to see how things in that realm continue to sprout up in the coming year. (Here’s a podcast that has also been encouraging to me in this area. The episode is part of a series and it’s all fantastic!)
5. I’ve learned, through saying it to many other people and then myself as a result, that there is permission to wrestle and doubt. I just seemed to witness a lot of suffering and questions and doubts in the lives of others. People in various circumstances and demographics. It’s those moments where we have to trust God to show up in some way. I found myself telling people, “you have permission to wrestle.” I think people, even myself, get this thought that we’re not supposed to question, but questioning is faith working itself out. It all has to hinge on the question of whether or not Jesus is who He says He is. I’m thankful for a God who invites us to question and doubt and wrestle with Him. He will embrace us and show His kindness, even as we flail and metaphorically beat on His chest. He can take it.
6. Speaking of doubts, I’ve faced the questions of “what if this is all pointless? But then, almost like a reflex, I’ve been reminded of the words of Peter as my soul is reminded of the truth, “where else can I go?” (John 6:67-69) It all truly does come back to Jesus. Is He trustworthy? Is He kind? Is He really able to do “immeasurably more” (Eph. 3:20)? Is He Lord? If not, fine, whatever. But if He is, then that changes everything.
7. I’ve learned more about my helplessness (fuuuunnnn!). In my own life but also the lives of others. I get the privilege of investing in others’ lives, but I am not their Savior. I intellectually know this, but yet I can subconsciously put this pressure on myself that I have to lead them to some sort of epiphany in their faith or to get to some sort of breakthrough in their pain. That’s not my job. (So many of those sort of statements and many others like them in this post are difficult to type because I’m still having to preach them to myself.) A sermon by David Platt helped me in this area & reminded me that if I can just get them to Jesus, He will show His power to save. I have to force it to be on repeat in my mind on those moments. “Just point them to Jesus. Take them to Jesus.”
8. I’ve learned how to implement new vocabulary into my life, namely, “depression”. Sure, this word was part of my vocabulary as I’ve gotten down into the trenches with others in their own experiences with it, but then I was faced with my own trench when my counselor said the words “moderately severe depression”. There’s freedom in calling something what it is, even when there isn’t a reason for it, like my own critical thoughts often reminded me. Guess what? Jesus meets us there, too.
9. I learned (read: am learning) that a lover will always do more work than a worker. A new friend brought this to my attention. I’ve fallen into the practice of being a worker for God rather than a lover of God. Yes, my relationship with Him and the freedom He has given me is meant to lead to action (James 1:22, 2:14-26), but it can be so easy to gravitate towards the action or the work being the motivation. The work or action is still involved in the life of the lover, but the work better and ends up going further when it’s out of the overflow of a heart that is fixed on the object of the faith — on Jesus. On God Himself. I haven’t gotten this down, but it’s something that He’s currently shifting in my life. I’ve realized my need to know and experience His love & kindness for me as an individual, outside of the things I do, simply as attributes of who He is & that don’t hinge on my obedience or doing everything right. I find that I’m going back to a ground zero of sorts. And that’s okay. He will do the work that He does in order to break down the strongholds in my life.
10. I’ve begun to see just how much of an “all or nothing” person I am. Even as I type that, part of me is saying “Really? You’re just now seeing that?” I consider myself to be really adaptable and go-with-the-flow (last year I even talked about how I’m comfortable in the gray), so I guess I’ve had trouble associating an “extreme” phrase of “all or nothing” with my easy going personality. Au contraire! If I’m gonna do something, I want to do it well and I want do it right. I don’t want to do it or put something out into the world unless it’s my best work. But I’m realizing there’s gotta be some room for.. mediocre? Ugh, I cringe. But maybe it’s not mediocre. Aside from work, another specific way I noticed this was trying to maintain an hour-long high intensity workout four times a week. How much was I doing previously? Zero times a week. Yet I couldn’t believe that my body needed some rest after a couple months of that, plus an already not-very-sustainable schedule. So while I consider myself to be very chill, I’m also realizing some specific ways that I most definitely need to chill. out. (Is this a 9w1 thing?)
11. I’ve learned that I have to trust the Lord & His timing when it comes to.. well, everything.. but specifically areas of healing in my life. I’ve gotten really frustrated with myself when it comes to painful experiences I think I should be over. But that’s how deep pain works — as much as you make up your mind that you’re done, anything can bring back a painful memory & make you sick to your stomach on a whim (thanks, trauma, love yaaaaaa). A good friend encouraged my further dependence on God when she told me to pray, “Lord, You have to be the one to do this. Nothing else will work.” So that’s what I’m doing.
12. In a similar vein, while I’ve experienced new ways to trust the Lord in healing parts of my heart, I’ve also found myself saying, “I hate that this is part of my story.” Yet I’m learning that there are now new ways I’ve been able to relate to other people that I wouldn’t have been able to previously relate to. But isn’t that how the Lord works? He comes in and fills & repairs the broken areas of our lives, and He also then pours out through those broken parts of us and into the lives of others. (Here’s a book about that).
13. I learned (am learning) the ways that I not only value (idolize) other people’s opinions, but even their perceptions. I’m defining opinions here as the known thoughts of other people, while perceptions are the unknown — what they might be thinking, how they might be perceiving me. Living for either is “striving after wind”, like Ecclesiastes talks about. Idols, no matter what they are, don’t hold up in the end. They seem promising but leave you striving. It’s no way to live. I’m continuing to lean on the Lord to break those things.
14. I learned to step into more of a “go for it” mentality. Last year I said I wanted to thrive — I didn’t want to be inhibited anymore by fear or “what if”s. I can’t say I’ve done this successfully, because even more recently I’ve been faced with a lot of “what if”s as I’ve been in a bit of a swirly season. That’s normal for us as human beings and we’re not going to be entirely void of those questions or fears, but I have taken opportunities to try new things and pursue conversations where I share my ideas, despite fears of questions, and those have led to exciting things! I’ve asked the Lord for opportunities to go after things without fear, and boy has He allowed for that. I’ll even be finishing this calendar year by stepping into a new opportunity & trusting Him in a new way. Finishing this year going for it, down to the literal last minute.
15. I’ve learned more about my own passions. One of my good friends told me, “I feel like you’ve found your wheelhouse.” I think our 20s are sort of the grown up version of toddlerhood. You know? Toddlers are learning to be human beings. They’re learning how things work, discovering the world in new ways as they’re more aware of new things, and they’re just trying to figure it all out. That same sentence can be applied to me in my 20s. Childhood is gone and it’s a restart of sorts, into adulthood. I’m learning about the things that no one prepares you for in school. I’m learning all of the boring logistics of being an adult, sure, but I’m also trying to step into more of what the Lord has for me & how He wants to use my life specifically. What do I say no to? What do I say yes to? I’m still learning, but I do know some more specific areas that God has fashioned me to invest in His people, and it’s quite the adventure.
16. I'm learning that while I want to say “yes” to eternally significant things & shape my life around Kingdom-focused things (I’ve been very inspired by this book & want to have my own prayer of “anything”), that doesn’t mean saying “yes” to all of the eternally significant things. I’ve moved into a works-based mentality, not in regards to salvation, but with how I’m walking in obedience. I want to walk in obedience and yes, that is good, but that thought process has been distorted into a belief that if saying “yes” to eternally significant things is obedience, then having to say “no” to eternally significant things, even for the sake of my own health & well-being, must mean disobedience. That can’t be a way to live. This actually speaks to #10 on my post last year. Looks like I’m still in process, and that’s okay.
17. I’m learning to ask the Lord to take me deeper. He reveals Himself to us in part (1 Cor. 13:12). There’s always going to be more to discover, even when we’re with Him and have all of eternity to find out more. When we ask Him to show us more of who He is, I’ve come to believe more and more that He will do it. He will show us. Oftentimes what comes with that, though, is Him having to correct or reshape some knowledge we have about Him that aren’t quite right. That’s hard, but it’s worth it. At IF: Gathering 2019, Jennie Allen said, “There are things we know, there are things we don’t know, and there are things that we think we know but we do not know, and I’m afraid that one of those things is God.” I’m willing to be reshaped & molded in new ways if it means having a more accurate view of who my God is.
18. I’m learning that when the question of “how are you?” is asked, I want to answer honestly the first time. As I was walking through a challenging time during the fall - a time of physical exhaustion, mental fog, and emotional numbness & sadness - it didn’t leave much room for pretending like everything was alright. I’ve realized that when you’re going through a funk, it’s only more of a hassle to maintain demeanor that things are good. So I want to answer honestly. I even caught myself mid-interaction when I had answered “good” to someone and then paused, had to laugh a little, and say “I just lied to you.” I’m not sure why we do this as humans, but I do know that vulnerability breeds vulnerability and we need more of it.
19. I’ve learned how to navigate new, sometimes hard, conversations with close friends. One of my dearest friends is about to enter into marriage and I realized that this is the first time I’m experiencing someone in my closest circle transition into this new season. (I’ve had many friends get married by this point, but it seems like those have happened after another shift comes first, so it doesn’t seem as abrupt — graduating from college, not necessarily as close anymore, different locations, etc.) It’s okay to grieve the ways a friendship may shift, even if all of the circumstances surrounding that shift are good and exciting. It’s worth talking to your friend about it. She may be experiencing a similar sadness. Another of my dearest friends is walking through what she would consider the hardest journey of her life thus far that she never foresaw coming - a shift that I personally haven’t walked through - and that has led to hard conversations, too. But these hard conversations are worth it, and they’ve given me opportunities to press into things I would normally want to avoid or suppress. Even if you can’t relate, empathize 100%, or even know what to do, enter into it with her anyway. Friendships, like any of us as individuals, are shaped & strengthened by the kneading & pressing. I believe this is a way we can live out Romans 12:15)
20. I’m learning to find out what my non-negotiables are. Things are consistently going to shift in life. I’ll say “yes” to some things and have to say “no” to other things (since saying “yes” to something means saying “no” to something else, and vise versa). Loving God & His Word is a non-negotiable. Communicating my faith is a non-negotiable. Pouring my life into others & investing in younger women is a non-negotiable. (They’re all also Biblical). The ways and avenues through which I do that may shift, but the non-negotiables will stay. Anything else can go.
21. I’ve learned how to better shape my prayers around praising and adoring God for who He is. (Sara Hagerty’s guides have helped with this!) My prayer life has also been shaped by asking specific questions as I read through Scripture (what it teaches me about God, about my sin & need for Him, how the grace I have in Christ is crucial to cause the change I need, and what kind of practical change should happen). I think we can get caught up in a “script” as we pray, or we lack in prayer entirely (guilty), so there’s always room to grow in our prayer lives. After all, out of all the things the disciples could’ve blatantly asked Jesus to teach them to do, they asked Him to teach them how to pray. (Luke 11) I’ve also been the recipient of the power of praying friends, and have seen the Lord answer those in very specific ways. Thankful.
22. I learned to be what I described as “fully alive and fully myself” during a wonderful summer of growth and healing as I got to work alongside the best and dearest of people in Ocean City, MD. I cried a lot this summer. Like, a lot. But I laughed even more, so that’s saying something. It was my favorite summer/staff experience thus far in the 6 years I’ve been in full-time ministry. I’m not sure if it’s entirely that I learned to be more fully myself as it is that I was given the opportunity to step into that more, mainly because of the kind of people I was with. And boy what a giant breath of fresh air that is after experiencing a lack of freedom in being fully who I am. I prayer I had written down for this year of my life was “that I would be even more fully + authentically myself”. Praise God.
23. I’ve continued to learn, through the provided experiences of this year, that ultimate reality & truth cannot be based on my feelings. I think this is one of those daily, lifelong reminders, though. Feelings are fickle and circumstances are momentary. I, we, have got to depend on something more solid. (Here’s my favorite book on that - though I read it a couple years ago at this point, I’m consistently referring back to it and recommending it to others in the midst of our culture that is so feelings-based.)
24. I’ve learned that when we create the space to cut the noise & hear from the Lord, He truly does show up. My example of this involved leaving the state & staying in a secluded airbnb in Tennessee. (I’d love to tell you more about it some other time). Creating space for solitude to be with the Lord doesn’t have to involve jumping on a plane (I was just that desperate, haha). There’s nothing extra special or spiritual about leaving the state, but there is such value in simply getting away. Jesus did it too (references) and let me remind you that He is God, so hooowww much MORE do I need time away with Him as a limited human being who is not at all perfect? It doesn’t have to mean taking a trip. I’m not saying I believe God speaks more clearly to us when we take a special trip. I believe He is speaking already, but do we create the space to meet with Him, get everything out on the table, and listen? I want to grow more in the spiritual discipline of silence and solitude.
25. I’m learning that somehow, in some cosmic, Divine way, trials and suffering really are for our good and can very well be an aspect of God’s kindness. Sure, God doesn’t take pleasure in the hardships that happen to us — the things that are a result of living in a fallen, corrupt world. But as I’ve heard Joni Eareckson Tada say, “God will let things occur that help my soul and increase my soul’s capacity for Himself” and, quoting Steve Estes, “God permits what He hates to accomplish that which He loves.” (listen here for more) I’ve also really loved & had to remind myself of this quote from Charles Spurgeon: “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.”
26. I’ve learned how very specific dreams, especially ones related to God’s Kingdom, and with His help, can actually become a reality. I’ve been reflecting on last year’s list as a refresher for this one, and, to save you a look back, #26 says “I’ve learned - or rather, awakened to - the enormous need for Biblical literacy in our culture today. It’s grown to be a huge and urgent burden on my heart, and I plan to do something about that this year.” That last part causes chills and a smile, because (again, with the Lord’s help & guidance) I did just that. I’ve put together a 5 week course on Biblical literacy, taught it three times with three different groups of women, and the hope is that it will soon become a resource for more people. I’ll keep you posted. So, past Jocelyn, it happened. And future Jocelyn (& you, reader), keep seeking Him & running after Him with these big dreams. Place them in His hands and He will do something with them. (For sentiment sake, this is #26 for this year. How special!)
27. I’m learning more and more that walking with God is no joke. The more I read Scripture, the more I see that there’s no fence. Either Jesus is Lord of my life or He’s nothing at all. It’s difficult at times, but the difficulties are worth it. I continue to learn that He is so worth knowing.
each year, I write down some things that I would hope to be true for the following year. Here are some of those:
My birthday last year happened to fall on a day when we had a staff meeting, and my staff team (dear friends) each took time to pray over me. I recorded it at the time, then listened back to it and wrote everything down. I reflected on those things this year on my birthday, and let me tell you — each of the things they mentioned are either things that God has done in my life this year or is currently addressing now. On a separate page, after writing down the things they said, I wrote a prayer “that many of the staff team’s prayers would be true in my life.” He answered. Some examples: to trust and rely on God more + to know His presence in rich ways / grow in wisdom + understanding of who God is / patience & reliance on His timing / having the confidence to pursue God’s Will / endurance to run & patience to wait / clarity & wisdom in ministry / growth in giftings & discernment for how to use them / knowing when to speak to the multitudes & when to be in a desolate place with Him.
I prayed that I would have memorized more Scripture + planted more of the Word in my mind and heart. Though the memorization part has slacked, I did recently spend some time putting part of Psalm 139 into practice, and it has allowed me to focus on God’s intricate care, His presence, & it’s helping with the correction of false beliefs & the tearing down of strongholds. (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)
Regarding #26, an exact prayer in my journal was, “Lord, please work in + through me to prep for/teach a course on Biblical literacy. May I be able to do it at multiple campuses.” The Lord exceeded that second sentence by allowing me to lead it on a summer mission & in my church. Still blown away & looking forward to what He’ll do next.
My hope is that all of these things would point you to rejoice in God’s work in your own life. I pray that you would reflect on his faithfulness to you. May you sing His grace in the good and bad, in all seasons, trusting that He is the one with all power and authority & He is worthy of your praise. May we never cease giving Him glory.
I love hanging out over on instagram. If you happen to have any questions about any of these things, or want to have a conversation about it, feel free to reach out!